Bethany

Joy. Worry. Love.

8 weeks postpartum

What was the hardest thing you endured during pregnancy or delivery? The hardest thing that I endured was anxiety during pregnancy. I had always expected that pregnancy would be a time full of happiness and excitement. While these were still feelings that I had, I felt a lot of anxiety during my entire pregnancy. I spent a lot of nights in bed crying during the first trimester because I was convinced that something was wrong. I spent way too much time on Google looking up different symptoms to make sure what I was experiencing was "normal." I was nervous about telling others that we were pregnant because I had this feeling that something would go wrong if we did. Even in the third trimester, I was constantly questioning if he was moving enough or moving too much throughout the day. The anxiety really didn't end for me until J was born.

What do you wish you knew before delivery but didn't? You can have a plan for how you want delivery to go, but that plan might not be able to happen. If things don't go as you planned, it doesn't mean that your body failed you. It means that you did whatever it takes to keep your baby safe.

I guess that I knew this at some level beforehand, but I didn't really think that my birth plan wouldn't happen. I didn't plan to have to be induced, but it happened. I didn't plan for that induction to end in a c-section after 24 hours of labor, but it happened. I certainly didn't plan for our baby to spend time in NICU, but it happened. I'm really grateful for the medical staff that reminded me throughout my experience that I was doing what was needed to keep J safe. Now, as I look at my scar or think about my experience with giving birth, I am reminded that I was willing to do whatever was needed to keep my son safe and healthy. That helps me look back on my experience with positivity-despite the fact that it was not at all what I had envisioned it to be.

What was something that gave you confidence or hope during the hard times? Having a solid support system around me has been so helpful! My husband, family, friends, and coworkers were all so encouraging throughout my pregnancy and continue to be my support during this postpartum time. There are times where it can be easy to feel alone during this time of so many changes. Something as simple as the texts from someone checking in have been such helpful reminders that I am not alone.

What is a new strength (other than just moms being super human) that you found in yourself since becoming a mom? A new strength that I have found is the ability to just take on the role of being a mother and the many sacrifices that go along with motherhood. I was nervous about how well I would be able to do this at first or how I would be able to give up my current role as a teacher to accommodate this new responsibility. It's amazing how you have this new human and you slowly learn from each other. You learn his cues and what he wants as well as your inner strength and what you can handle. There is nothing wrong with taking a break and asking for help when needed. You also learn how to adapt to sleeping only a few hours a night. :)

How are you? I am tired but doing well. Things are much easier now as we have developed a daily routine. I am really loving the time that I can just sit and snuggle my baby.

How are you now compared to 1 week postpartum? Things were really rough one week postpartum. J had been in NICU at this point and we didn't have any time at home together. I was so focused on him and his needs that I didn't really take care of myself and the recovery that I needed at that time, so I was in a lot of pain due to the c-section. Now we're at home, have our routine, and have found ways to prioritize my healing so that I can be the best mom for him.