Kristin
Courageous. Strong. Proud.
What was the hardest thing you endured during pregnancy or delivery?
It was a tough pregnancy physically- my blood sugar was low and my blood pressure was high. We had to be induced at 37 weeks and the induction was 42 hours start to finish. I was diagnosed with anxiety induced hypertension and gestational cardiomyopathy and put in over 100 hours driving to different specialists and high risk doctors, got real familiar with the magnesium drip and at one point lost my vision for over 15 minutes due to hypertension. I also developed de quervain’s tenosynovitus which is really painful and I’m still dealing with postpartum. It was all just a lot. But the hardest thing by far was that we found out we were pregnant 6 months after having a stillbirth. Any time we felt excitement it was hard not to feel guilty, and there was also a lot of anxiety and feeling like something could go wrong at any time
What do you wish you knew before delivery but didn't?
I wish I knew that you can say no to almost any medical intervention. Obviously I would want to know the risks v. benefits but I wish I knew you could advocate for yourself and say no if you are uncomfortable with something that is “standard procedure”.
What was something that gave you confidence or hope during the hard times?
Isaiah 66:9 says
“In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord.
Read in context it actually has nothing to do with pregnancy after loss. But for some reason that passage just kept coming back to me. I felt like God was saying that our story wasn’t over yet and we just needed to trust that there would be an end to the pain and anxiety that we felt, even if the end to that pain didn’t come in this lifetime.
What is a new strength (other than just moms being super human) that you found in yourself since becoming a mom?
I guess I’m learning how to let the little things go. Things won’t always be Pinterest perfect, but the way you make people feel and the memories you create- those are the things that matter.
How are you?
This is the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was so sick in pregnancy that it feels really great to have some energy back and be able to really enjoy spending time with family and friends again.
I’m still struggling with feelings around the loss of our son but I’m not sure that will ever go away. Sometimes when L makes this sweet little expression she looks just like her brother who was born sleeping and it makes me so sad that this will be the only real comparison I’ll ever be able to make between the two of them. But it makes me that much more thankful for every second we have with her. I’m also so thankful for the love and support from family and friends. We’ve had so many visitors and check ins and people reaching out with love and support- my heart is just so full. I guess thankful is how I’m doing!
How are you now compared to 1 week postpartum?
1 week postpartum our daughter was still in the bili blanket and I had been readmitted to the hospital for another week. There were lots of cords and IV’s and interruptions all night and my husband was already back to work. Since I was admitted but she was not, our daughter couldn’t be left alone with me which felt frustrating as a new mom. It was a really stressful week and I felt like everything was just HARD. Now at almost 5 weeks postpartum we are home and, while we don’t really have a “routine” just yet, we are figuring out what works for us and learning how to be a family of 3.
